a moment of clarity

21 Mar 07 Wednesday
11:01 AM - a moment of clarity
Category: Pets and Animals

so, i wrote this in an email to a friend and i hope he forgives me, but i thought that it kind of had a blog-ish feel to it and there were some things in it that i would be writing about anyway, so i thought i would save myself the labour of re-wording.

things have been alright actually. today is justin's b-day, so i took off. its his 21st, so of course, he plans on getting sloppy drunk. things have been good between us, but sometimes i wonder if they're going so well b/c we realize that we only have a limited time together. i've been in a tion of relationships. for a while i was serial dating. not so much a fear of being alone, but more eager to find my true love that was waiting for me (yeah, i know...i was young, lol).
after a while theres this sort of malaise that sets in and the goal seems to be to have a solid foundation set before that malaise hits or the relationship crumbles to dust very quickly. justin and i had that for a very brief period of time, but then all of this came about and now we appreciate each other.
it's wierd. dunno.

work is going alright i guess. i probably told you that htey're disolving my department. i gave notice to my landlord that i'm leaving at the end of april and as far as work is concerned, it couldnt be soon enough. the best people are leaving our dept and things are becoming very strange right now. imagine any third world counrty in the middle of a coup. suddenly, your piece of the world becomes unstable and almost anything goes.

so, i talked to a very old friend of mine and he offered to let me stay with him but he lives in the valley. i had another old friend just find me on myspace and offer a place. he lives in weho. i'm not sure if that's too close to the lion's den. i'm hoping to get a place in west LA when i can save up the scratch.

its funny b/c all of the people who have offered me a couch to crash on have cats and i have a rat and 2 mice that i'm bringing with me. this should be interesting.

well, theres not that much going on, but thats it. thanks for the kind words of encouragement. it means a lot to me. i almost forgot to tell you. i had kind of a breakthough this morning.

i was sitting in bed and justin was out of the room and i was just staring at the wall in that way that you do when you got up and dont have to be anywhere soon and you just want to enjoy being in bed that extra few minutes.

so, my mind wanders and i think about my blogs, and i think about the fact that they are one big arc in terms of my dealing with recovering from addiction. so then i think about the word "meth". now normally, it's enough to run shivers down my spine, but for the first time in years, i feel nothing. like diana in "a chorus line"
i am shocked that i feel nothing, almost enough to sing a song about it, lol.

then there was the clarity of recognizing the moment. it was very cool.

oh, also, i was at the library and i found this amazing book that i had almost forgotten about called "geek love". i cannot recomment this book enough.

well, thats enough for now.

your friend,