things that go bump in the night; and other things from the walthers catalogue.....

24 May 06 Wednesday
9:09 PM - things that go bump in the night; and other things from the walthers catalogue.....
Current mood: strange, but okay
Category: strange, but okay Movies, TV, Celebrities

dear mom,

so....here i sit in wallace idaho.
yup, thats right, just outside of kellogg and just down the ol' 95 from

coeur d'alene (pronounced core-delane for all you outside folk). let me

tell you how fucking strange this place is and how i got here.

for those of you who know me well, you will understand when i say that

i have never been in love like i am with justin pennington. ryan who?

the wounds from 5 years ago have healed and i have let this person in

further than i ever thought i was capable of. today is our 5 month

anniversary and we still are going strong. moving to idaho was a

disaster, but yet since G-d works in such starnge ways, we are closer

than ever.

heres the back story:
justin's mom offered him room and help with board as well as a job. we

talked about it (it was to be a 3 month gig with her bf, kurt) and we

both agreed it was a good opportunity for him to be with his family and

earn some extra money. i knew that my drug use had flared up and i was

in danger of being lost again, and lets be honest here; 3 months

without justin would have killed me(because of my self-destructive

behavior).
so i packed up my few things and threw some in a car and moved to idaho

with justin.
theres a line in "america" by simon and garfunkel:
"let us be lovers, we'll marry our fortunes together"

well, thats kinda what we did. lumped our money together and drove

through the dark and forbidding lands of the mormons (remind me to

opine about utah some time). well..................
it seems that on the way up here, "mom" desided to change her mind and

recinded the job offer; then when we got up here, she wasnt going to

help us find a place to stay unless it was in the room next door to

hers(where she apparently wanted to keep an eye on us...well, "spy' is

the word that was used.

we had no jobs, no place to go, and i had just packed my life into a

toyota on faith. it looked like we were screwed, but then justin's dad

and stepmom stepped in. they helped us out in so many ways it is hard

to describe.

justin's memories of his father were much like my memories of my

stepfather growing up, but the stories told of suffering far worse than

my particular idiot-tyrant-step-parent could have imagined. he had

trouble with justin's homosexuality and my existance didnt help much. i

didnt want to meet him and the feeling was mutual. we pull up and

justin goes in to talk to them. i wait and then suddenly j comes out

and tells me his dad wants to meet me.
my first thought is:;
"great, he's sizing me up so he can kill me later"
but i was wrong, it seems. G-d has wrought a trmendous change in his

father and he's a pretty fun guy...little rough around the edges(much

like my present stepfather, "pops").
hell, we just went hiking up the mountain this evening, just him and

i......
i cant seem to get over it.
his stepmom, heidi, has been our dearest friend and best ally since we

got here.

i am stone sober these days. justin is happy about that and i just feel

right about it... i dont think about it much. strange as it was only a

week or so ago, but i dont think about meth except in passing when

doing this blog stuff. in fact thats the first time i've thought about

it since we got here. i threw away my accoutrements and the like at a

rest stop in montana.

heres the punchline....
i live in the mountains of idaho. it looks like a model railroad set,

complete with tracks that go over mad rivers and logging trails that

swirl up mountains of pine trees. the towns up here are all mining or

logging towns, or were, respectively.

because we were displaced, justin and i ended up borrowing his dad's

old camper trailer.
yes, thats right, mom...i live in a trailer. no internet and my phone

service doesnt work in the valley where i live...i need to drive 45

minutes to get phone reception.
i keep telling justin that i cant wait until we get a double-wide

apartment in LA.

but heres the amazing thing...i go to bed like my parents do...read:

before 10pm, and get to wake up holding justin after we fall asleep

listening to the soft idaho rain falling onto the tarp covering our

trailer.

i love watching him laugh here. he never laughed like this back in CA.

i hope i can keep him laughing like that when we get back.

mom, he brings out the best in me, without even thinknig about it.

we're like a married couple, well, more like newlyweds. in fact, its

like starting over with him.

its kind of like "october sky" meets "barefoot in the park"

i couldnt be happier.

(but dont get me wrong, i CANNOT WAIT until we move back to LA)

with love,
your son,

b/k

ps- i will try and write more so that you know whats going on with me,

but its kinda rare that i can get to a computer.