so maybe its all worth it.........

11 Mar 06 Saturday
2:16 PM - so maybe its all worth it.........
Category: Automotive

so.......
here i am listening to death cab again and blogging.
i was talking to an old friend of mine yesterday and he pointed out the absurdity of the fact that "blogging" is a perfectly understandable word, but that it was a strange word to communicate what it was, the concept, that is.
if that makes sense.
what did we do before the internet?
i honestly cant remember. i think i read a lot more. i was about the same socially; correction- i talk to more people now because i can overcome my social awkwardness by a litany of subterfuges.

last weekend i shot dave's film. then on thursday we went to post logic on vine and yucca.
for the first time and hopefully not the last, i felt almost like a professional. we walked in and worked with the colourist, mike.
for those of you who havent heard me go ove4r the process, film is exposed then processed and then on student and television shoots, the film is then digitally transfered onto tape so that it can be edited .
telecine is the name for the transfer process.
telecine is where the film is really made at the student level. this is when the director and producer who paid tfor the production see if the footage is worth what they spent.

let me share something quickly.
i have always beleived in G-d. but it has bena long time since i felt his hand directly. it seems that he is all around me and gently nudging me back like the prodigal son that i feel that i am.
i joke that He and i arent talking right now, but its my fault. let me correct.
he's talking to me, but i am not listening.
i'm a jew because i couldnt find more than 3 real christians. i met my fourth.
david menenberg.
we went to shoot and it wasnt easy but dave got exactly what he wanted, or so i believe, at any rate he got exactly what i promised him.

to wit, when we showed up on friday morning it was raining. friday was supposed to be all exteriors. i got behind the camera to start shooting and the clouds parted and the sun came out. there are 12 or so witnesses to this.

in high school i read scorcese's biography and they talked about how in "last temptation" during the crucifiction scene there is a shot of willem dafoe hangin gon the cross and behind him the sky becomes black. this was no special effect. if you look at the other shots, they dont quite match. during the shot, the sky changed as if by divine intervention.
can you imagine being the operator and looking through the eyepiece as this is happening.
i can, now...

say what you will, but there are 12 born-again christian actors and a film that is the most deeply religious film i have ever seen. mel gibson's film is to idiots what last temptation is to the thinking christian. distilled: they both try to show you what it was that christ went through for us.

i truly believe that G-d stepped in for dave. dont get me wrong, it was a tough shoot, but an incredible crew, an amazing gaffer, and a crack crew of AC's helped make it all possible.

i was still unsure how all of the footage was going to turn out. a friend once told me that no one ever makes a mistake on purpose(though that friend ironically is still raking me over hot coals for a mistake) so i was nervous about the footage
what if i forgot to carry the one, metaphorically speaking?

showed up for telecine and the footage was gorgeous. i usually adjust about a stop and a half so that i get more informatin and a thicker negative and even the unadjusted image was good.
i'm really proud of what i shot for dave and he seems to be happy with it(which is ultimately my goal)
i guess i'm kind of a big golden retriever; i just need to get a pat on the head once and a while and make sure that my master is happy to be content. i guess i have a bit of a pack animal mentality.
i beleive in set hierarchy and i learned from ender's game how to run a good crew and lead men, but like hephestion, i still need a good commander

rob richardson keeps a journal and in it, after his first set of tests for kill bill, he wrote "confidence shattered, must continue...."
i feel the opposite.

confidence renewed. i have to try not to get cocky. though, apparently i will have ryan to remind me of my past for a long time come.
what is it with fucking ryans?

ryan james joseph hallett - broke my heart and crushed my soul so badly that i am still dealing with the shockwave 5 years later. my romantic life resembles hiroshima in far too many ways. theres a picture of downtown hiroshima at ground zero.....there is a building standing but everything around it is leveled. the building is a skeleton of itself. speaks for itself.

ryan - a short but rocky run down love's rapids this past summer

ryan tungate - a great friend of mine that i hurt and disappointed. completely unable to help me move past my past. everytime i think that we are okay and have moved past it all, i get an email that drags me back into my past. i dont think he understands what he is doing when this happens. they say that when the nervous system gets overloaded with pain, it shuts off-burn victims, for example feel nothing after a bit of extreme agony.
after being stabbed so many times, caesar died. at what point will i stop feeling pain and shut him off completely? i hope never, but he is relentless.

i'm just thinking out loud.

i dont expect anyone will actually read this far, lol.

the punchline is that nick's film is coming up next weekend.
that shoot should become the stuff of legend and i'm proud to be part of it.

not to mention that the footage should look amazing.

spending a few minutes listening to G-d wouldnt hurt either.....

cheers