so, um yeah...this blog thing

21 Jan 06 Saturday
1:29 AM - so, um yeah...this blog thing
Current mood: awake
Category: more accurately, "here" Art and Photography

so here i am, writing at the advice of a dear old ex of mine.
i dont really know how these things work because i'm usually far too self-involved to read them.
wait,
simple rules that i am going to try and abide by....
first, once a night; but i have the option of taking shabbat off(but after temple is when i have my strongest thinking
second, honesty.
you may find that you hate me if you read more than one of these.
as an artist, i have found that honesty, however ugly is going to ring true with someone somewhere...is it worth it? dunno.
tertiary, i will always welcome feedback.
(ever been somewhere isolated and gotten a package or a letter from someone that was written on paper? yeah, its kinda like that)

so,
january
a new start......well, i always consider september the new year because traditionally i have had my birthday, the first day of school, and more recently, Rosh HaShannah, the jewish new year.

heres my quote for today:
My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement. -john patrick shanley.
the man is a genius. one of the great tragedies of film is that that film was panned at the box office, of course the other is raul julia's(did anybody see moon over parador?) last film was "street fighter" playing opposite jean-claude van damme.

moment of silence.

apologies: i think out loud and my brain is finally waking up after a year long stupor. i analize EVERYTHING and misspell a lot; after a particular sociopathic ex, i chose to anesthesise myself and didnt come out of it for a long time.
like puxatawney phil, i am just now poking my head out the foxhole, to mix metaphors, and theres so much to say, so much to do, so many things i should have been doing, so many things i wish i could be justifiably upset about and lastly so many things i have to start accepting responsibility for.

like the detritus from last night's party, i have to pick up the shattered china plates and scrub off the obsenities from the walls(though it seemed like so much fun at the time)
make no mistake about it, oh my brothers, i am enraged.
david wojnarowicz once wrote (paraphrase)"i am ten feet of rage stuffed inside a six foot frame"
i'm too tired to feel that at this moment and i havent really dealt with that phase of the recovery process, but it's in the post.
tired now.
i think i am going to throw off everything from my bed in one drastic motion and finally get some well deserved sleep.
cheers

btw, my photographic work can be found at:

www.flickr.com/photos/redscrewdriver